30Day Challenge Day 14 - I am Disgusting

Something Disgusting You Do

Oh boy.  You know, these blog topics get weirder and weirder as we go...

I do TONS of disgusting things, and narrowing it down to one is a little hard, so I am going to put down 5 disgusting things I do, and if you want to vote in the comments below and tell me which one is the MOST disgusting, I will quit doing it tomorrow...ha-ha.  Nyet!

#5.  I bite my nails.  Gross, right?  I used to have acrylics and get a fill every 2 weeks…I did that for about an infinity of years, and my nails still haven’t recovered, because they break really easily.  When they break, I chew on them.  I spit out the nail after I chew it off of my hand---I sure as hell am not tryna be no autocannibal, yo.  Still, even though I wash my hands obsessively, I am sure my nails are pretty germy sometimes, and I could still get sick…gargling with hand sanitizer isn’t always an option (“they” frown on it – especially if you do it in a store and tell the horrified ‘associate’ you are just making sure you aren’t allergic…), so I guess I should stop, but I probably won’t!

Hungry, anyone?

#4. Toenail picking.  I just puked in my mouth while typing that, so if you need to know more, go here.

#3. I eat meat and dairy.  Seriously, if I had any common sense or self-control, I would stop that shit.  You know how motherfuckers are always flipping out about breastfeeding in public, or breastfeeding past the first 4 days?  Well, when you eat dairy, you may as well be strapped on a skateboard on your back, tied under a cow, and sucking away at its udders while it strolls down Main Street….because that is what dairy is.  Breast milk from a quadruped. (PS – I saw that tied-to-a-cow-skateboard thing at Walmart once…for reals!  I didn’t just think that up, you know!)  By the way, do you ever wonder why we don’t drink all milk?  Cat milk, dog milk, horse milk…why cows and goats and sheep?  What about pig milk, do you think it tastes like bacon???  Anyway, going vegan is on my list of ‘shit to do sooner rather than later’, because the shit you buy in the stores to eat – if it is animal carcass or animal breast milk, or any byproduct thereof….chances are it was covered in shit at one point before it got sprayed with bleach or acid and sent to the market…..no shit, ya’ll….”Factory Farms”---GTS!!!!

Pour THAT on your cereal!

#2.  Ummm…..maybe 5 was ambitious, because I can’t think of anything else.  Or, it might be that I am super tired.  I don’t know….I know I am thisclose to making some Sleepy Time Tea and calling it a day, but I am trying to get this damn blog post finished since I totally slacked and did not finish yesterday’s post until about an hour ago!!

#1---OOOOOOOOOH!!!

 Just thought of something I do that is disgusting!!  I often am not nice or sympathetic to other women.  I make fun of chicks a lot---sometimes for lame stuff…bathroom selfies, anyone?  But sometimes for not-so-lame stuff like being morbidly obese or super ugly.  In my defense, I consider myself to be both morbidly obese and super ugly, so I think it’s okay to talk shit about others for being those things…kinda like how black people can hurl the N word at each other, black comedians can make fun of every race there is, especially white people, and they say, “Well, the white man has been one jive-ass honky to everyone else for centuries, so we can talk all the shit we want, but if any of you mothafuckas say the N word or call us lazy, triflin, or anything else, we will burn your shit DOWN!”

But, yes, I do catch myself saying or thinking rude things about women sometimes…they are usually disguised as jokes, but they are still mean and they still hurt, and I wish I didn’t do it.  I am getting better….but I still do it.  I will give you an example:

Last night, there was a story on the local news about these strippers suing Casa Diablo—a local strip club—because they felt harassed and disrespected.  They are suing in Federal Court because they say coworkers touched their naked butts, and because the house policy is to be totally naked by a certain number of minutes, etc., etc…..They said they were fired for complaining about these conditions, and now they are stepping up to the plate and being feminists and putting a stop this sexist treatment. 

I am not joking, ya’ll, check this shit out…..

Now, the first thing I did was look at these 2 chicks and think—what the fuck, someone paid these slags to get naked??  I would give them a tenner to put some clothes on, and then a few bucks more to put a bag over their heads!!

A bit of background, if you will….Casa Diablo is a pretty wild strip club and most of the chicks I have seen there were pretty damn hot.  Not a butt-face or a pot-bellied dumpy broad in the room (except for me, but I was just there for the articles)!

These 2 ‘feminists’ looked like they hit every branch of the ugly tree on the way down.  I am serious---these bitches clearly have never been on birth control-- their faces probably do the trick just fine.  As I watched them whine and moan about being treated like objects –oh, the irony---I decided that they probably took the jobs with the intent to trump up some BS story and sue over the first thing they could possibly find some shyster to file papers on.  Seriously.  

Strippers should look like this---not like the damn lunch lady at the elementary school!!

I wanted to go to the news program’s site and comment on the story (“#CloseYourLegs #CoverYourTits, then people might respect you---although you are so damn ugly even Ripley probably don’t believe that shit” was what I was going to write), but then I started thinking…..I have had a lot of friends who have been strippers.  And most of them were very nice girls that made some quick easy money and then moved on—one moved on to Harvard, YEARS before that Legally Blonde movie came out---so whatever; people do what they do, and it’s not really any of my business.   

All I am saying is, it isn’t all Daddy Issues and drugs…some perfectly fabulous ladies have been strippers and made it out fine.

Do strippers deserve to be treated badly and made to feel like objects?  Well, no one does, really…but that is kind of the point of the job isn’t it??  

So then I started feeling bad about being so judgmental—both those chicks are someone’s daughter/sister/friend, and would I want someone thinking or saying the shit I was thinking and saying about those two Yetis about my girls??  No way!

But my girls wouldn’t be taking their clothes off and waving their lady bits in people’s faces and picking up dollar bills with their butt cheeks….not if they wanted two intact kneecaps, anyway!!
Different strokes for different folks, I guess.  But I really DO need to be kinder to women.  

Because feminism.   

And strippers.

And because 9.9999999999999999999999999999 out of 10 women (including my morbidly obese, manly ass) will never get this.   
So I feel sorry for all of us…

*Sob*  Poor, poor non-Eva-Mendes-looking us!!

PS – One last thing about those two platypuses (platypi?)….I want to punch them…not as bad as their local Peeping Tom must if they walk around the house with their blinds open…but I do.  YOU WENT TO WORK AT A PLACE THAT REQUIRES YOU TO TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF, WAVE ALL OF YOUR LADY PARTS IN PEOPLE’S FACES AND TO “SIMULATE” (most realistic damn 'faking' I ever saw!) SEX WITH OTHER WOMEN ON STAGE AND YOU WANT RESPECT????  Puh-leeeze.   
I can only assume you were hired there for Halloween and they fired you as soon as it was time to take the damn decorations down.  That is not grounds for a lawsuit… 

Just because they filmed ‘Gorillas in The Mist’ in your shower is no reason to ruin things for everyone else…..

Go get real jobs….I know ugly people can get jobs; I’ve been working since I was 15!!

‘Night for real, fools---I’m out!