Sad But True

So, I’ve been reading Stephen King’s 11/23/63 novel the last few days, and I cannot help feeling personally attacked tonight by it. The book is about time travel, about making terrible things un-happen, and about altering the course of history. Well, today something terrible happened and I want it to go away. My friend died. My. Friend. Died. I fucking hate the world right now. But I also love the world because she knew how much I loved her – I told her every GD day. Also, the sitch in Ukraine is so “Cuban Missile Crisis” that was addressed in the book, that I cannot help but to look out to our Boomers and ask if they need some extra love. GODAMMIT. Life is so fucking precarious and precious. I know this. I’ve known this since 2016 when all of my icons and then my platonic life partner, BFF, Lexi’s Dad, and then the rest of my icons died, and I was bereft. Ive talked about this over and over and I still haven’t made this my reality. Globally, we are at the brink of war and destruction. Personally, my heart is destroyed. And I ask WHY? Why is this the human experience? One of my favorite humans asked me, today, if I was scared of that monkey-shit pile of garbage Putin, and I told her why I was not. We live in this world. We make our choices. Could this wretched pile of excrement in human form scare me? Yes, I am scared. I do not live in the Ukraine, so I am not clutching-a-rifle-to-defend-my-children-and everything-I-hold-dear-scared, but I am scared, nevertheless. Am I sad that this is even a thing. How is it 2022 and we are not above this shit?? But, we have to HOPE. We have to hold onto controlling what we can – our hearts – and then hope the whole world does that every day. Hoping with our hearts is all we got. In the midst of that, we have to FEEL. Feel what we are going through. I am hopeful we can get through this global problem. I am thankful to have the amazing people in my life that help me through this. I am also sad that my friend died. I love her so much, all day I wanted to call her because she is the person I call when I hurt like this. I’m a mess, the world is a mess. All I can do right now is hold on to the light and cling to what @JennyHeston wrote yesterday before my whole world changed: More than ever this is the time to ground, to feel your feet on the earth and release all the sticky, icky bits down to turn into cosmic compost. This is the time to connect to a daily practice that nourishes and supports you – whether that is prayer, meditation, journaling, walking in nature. It’s the time to reconnect to your light. That gorgeous spark inside you that burns strong and true. Sorry for the rant, but if you are reading this I effing love you and I hope there is a day in the future where we can hang out under the sun and be happy together.