|Ahem. THIS is what strong looks like. (drool)|
Ummmm.... how about LIFE?
Is there one, single event that has made me a 'stronger person'?
I am strong because I have HAD to be.
In my life, there are always kids that need saving, bills that need paying, and people that need to be propped up.
Not one single event, but a lifetime of red flags, warning signs, and straight up NEED.
When I was 17, still in high school, I gave birth to the most fierce, fantastic, fabulous woman that walks the earth...ELJ. She is, literally, better than anyone you know -- besides her grandma, SJ.
When I was 25, it became clear that my baby sister (who is also my best friend on the planet) needed to get out of her house and into mine. I drove 9 1/2 hours to California, packed her and her possessions into my car, and drove her back to Washington, where I have subjected her to 17 years of my neuroses...
When I was 30, my precious niece was dropped off at my house -- amid some MAJOR DRAMA -- so I could raise her into adulthood, even though I wasn't actually an adult myself. I did the best I could and , although I CLEARLY passed on some of my awful traits on to her, she isn't a high school dropout, a teen mom, or an entitlement-sucking layabout, so I guess I did ok.
When I was 31, I brought my precious Roo into the world.....still not sure how to handle her, or the fact of her existence. I am in WAY over my head with this one!!
When I was 41, it became clear that -- if I did not grab my niece out of her "home" -- she would end up a high-school dropout and, possibly, a 'teen mom', or some other statistic. I moved her into my home, gave her my bedroom so that I now sleep on a couch and keep my clothes in totes in the coat closet. I bit the bullet and just did that. She drives me crazy on a daily basis, but what else can I do, but just bear it?
Am I stronger because of these things??
All I know is that life has served me pounds and pounds of lemons, and I have endeavoured to make lemonade, year after year after year. But now -- just now -- I feel like chucking the lemonade and making whatever makes ME happy...
I am, physically, the most freakishly strong person I know.
Am I 'STRONG(er)', though??
Not really feeling like I am at this point, but I think that everything I have been through, all of the kids I have tried to raise (even though I screwed up by making them cynical, iconoclastic, skeptics of EVERYTHING), all of the people I have bailed out whenever I could, all of the times I have subverted my personal goals to keep the peace, and all of the times I have just said YES, when I wanted to say NO, have seasoned me to the point where I feel strong enough to say that I am DONE.
I am sooo ready to move on and live my life for me....just me (and my girls). I never thought that was ok before, but just lately, I feel like it is.
Is that strength or selfishness?
I don't know about that, all I know is that -- just now --- I feel strong enough to say that I am ready to be Freakishly Strong -- not physically -- but emotionally.... To the point that I am only doing what serves me and my girls, and the rest of you can fuck right off....
|Khloe Kardashian says "Strong Looks Better Naked", and I must agree..get naked, Dude, GET NAKED (pleaseandthankyou).|