Tuesday, November 7, 2017

7 - Bullet Your Day

  • Wake up.
  • Check phone.
  • Hell, naw!  It's 1:30 (or 2:45, or 3:15 or 4:12)
  • Try to go back to sleep for 5 minutes.
  • Lay there and think about alllllll the things I could be doing instead of laying there thinking.
  • Go on Facebook for approx. 20 minutes.
  • Do the math to see how much sleep I could get if I fell asleep RIGHT NOW.
  • Go on Msn.com
  • Put phone down and try to sleep. (If I wake up before 3, chances are I will fall asleep)
  • Pick up phone and Google "where are they now" about casts of various 80s movies: Heathers, Teen Witch, Just One of the Guys, etc.
  • Do the math to see how much sleep I could get if I fell asleep RIGHT NOW.
  • Google things like "surgery to reduce nostril size", 'where is it legal to own a pet fox', 'why does my cat chew on my scalp', etc.
  • Drink a glass of water
  • Contemplate getting up and going to the gym. (LOL)
  • Use timeanddate.com to see how many seconds it's been since I had sex.
  • Do the math to see how much sleep I could get if I fell asleep RIGHT NOW.
  • Get super tired and doze off at 5:55 am
  • Hit the snooze button at 6:00 am
  • Spend 2 minutes thinking of all of the reasons I should get up right now.
  • Doze off or lay there trying to decide what is wrong with me - I NEED TO GET UP!!
  • Hit snooze at 6:10.
  • At 6:11, pick up phone and FB until 6:30.
  • Drink a glass of water and make tea.
  • Go to Starbucks for a coffee.
  • At 6:45, shake Lexi's arm and shout in her face until her eyelids peel open.
  • Watch as she gets furious, refuses to get up because "I'm stretching!!" and then dozes off.
  • At 6:50 shake Lexi's arm and shout in her face until her eyelids peel open.
  • Feed Lexi breakfast.
  • Send her off to change and get ready.
  • Verify backpack she packed last night does, in fact have her iPad, her completed homework, her Club card, and her pencil case.
  • Pack her lunch and put in backpack.
  • Bang on bathroom door and ask if she is ready.
  • Listen as she kicks the door and shouts, "I am CHANGING!".
  • Stand back as she yanks the door open so I can re-do her hair.
  • Hustle her downstairs to double check her backpack.
  • Shower, dress, put hair up in 10 minutes flat.
  • Try to get Lexi out the door while she scrambles to find her phone and headphones.
  • Shove Lexi out the door, lock bottom lock and head to car.
  • Discover I don't have my car keys.
  • Storm back to get them. Have locked myself out with no keys.
  • Use library card, Driver's License, or similar to break into house.
  • Grab house keys.  Car keys not on silver dish in entry specifically there to hold keys.
  • Keys not in yesterday's coat. Or in yesterday's handbag.
  • Keys not on any flat surface in house.
  • Find keys sticking out from under pantry door where demon cats have playfully skidded them.
  • Lock house, get in car.
  • Drive 2 miles.
  • 'Mom!  I don't have my iPad!!!', Yes you do, I put it there myself. 'I know, but when I was checking if all my stuff was in there, I moved things around so I could bring my new Beanie-Boos to school and I took it out!!'
  • Turns car around.
  • Drives 2 miles home.
  • Locates iPad, gets back in car.
  • Shouts at dumb kid the entire 20 minute drive to her school about responsibility and having systems in place (LOL).
  • Get to school and realize she had headphones on the whole time and heard nothing.
  • Drive 20 minutes to work. 


Tomorrow's post!!



I literally cannot deal with this anymore!!


I will finish it tomorrow, but this COUNTS, dammit!!


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