Little Blinky Lights

The PNW driver their mad skillz...etc

Pacific Northwest drivers suck.  They are literally the worst drivers ever.  Besides my mom. 

No, seriously.  She is, like, the WORST driver on the planet.  For reals.
Is YOUR nickname 'Leadfoot Lucy'??

PNW drivers, as a whole, are the woist.  If you tell them that, they will blame the' transplants':

'It's all those damn idiots from California!" They huff.  "They are wrecking everything"

Yeah....sorry about the tax dollars and the new business and the vehicles with better emissions quality than yours. 
(For reals, though, sorry about the sun-dried tomatoes.  No, seriously.  Whatever idiot decided all '90s cuisine needed sun-dried tomatoes was probably from CA, and for that I apologize.  Sincerely.)

I love the PNW.

There are only 2 places I would rather live--holla, Amalfi and the San Juan Ridge!-- and nowhere else I want to raise my child and watch my nieces and nephews grow up.

Having said that....you fuckers need to go back to driving school.

I lived in the South Bay at the beginning of the 'tech boom' in the mid-90s.  I had a 15 minute commute that took roughly 90 minutes during rush hour due to the masses of people getting on and off the freeways.  But, guess what?  I never got rear-ended, people merged by using the little stick by the steering wheel to make the little blinky lights come on so we all knew what their next move was, AND there were 3 (4 with the commuter lane) lanes with 3 distinct purposes on the freeways.

Again, I LOVE IT here, but seriously??  The far left lane is for passing and speeding.  The middle lane is for the speed limit (or 5 over, whatevs, I'm not THAT judgy), and the lane on the right is for getting on and off the roadway, and for Sunday drivers and for my dad.

If you use all 3 lanes for all of the above purposes, shit gets weird.  And, worse, if you fail to activate the little blinky light to navigate all 3 lanes in your attempt to arrive at the stop sign at the end of the off ramp 12 seconds before me, well......I hate you.  But, also, you are an idiot and highly unsafe.

Learn it. Love it. USE IT!

I managed corporate housing a long time ago, and people would fly into PDX from all over the country, get on I-84, and show up in my office to get keys.  If it was not every single one of them, then it was all but, like, 2 or 3, that came in and asked me, "Where did these people learn to drive?".  These people were from major cities across the country and would all profess shock, awe, and a healthy dose of fear at the "driving" they witnessed on their 10-400 minute drive to my building.

Never have I driven somewhere that I have to slam on my brakes at the end of the on-ramp (you know, the runway you are given to get up to speed with the flow of traffic??) because some PNW ding-dong is at a complete stop at the end, waiting for a gap in the 50 mph traffic so they can hop right on and head north.  Or maybe they were getting road head or eating Voodoo Donuts--who knows??  They certainly didn't have a turn signal on, letting me know their intentions....

Even I would go back to Driving School if this was the instructor!