Everything You Never Wanted To Know About Me, Even Though You Didn't Ask

Here we go again.  After a 4-month hiatus from this fun little blog, I am back!  The goal is to write #500WordsaDay for 30 days. 




I am hoping I can stay the course; I blew it on the 10 day fiction challenge, mainly because I was in a very crazy place and would have probably written a bunch of stories about people losing their shit and getting stabby with their relatives--I was in a very stabby frame of mind then.

This was me.  All day, err day.

I have decided to kick this off by letting you know what you are in for when you read this blog.




I write bad words.  I don't use a lot of profanity in my day-to-day life, but I write a lot of bad words.  I write bad words on this blog, in my fiction, in my gratitude journal, and sometimes on post-Its when I am on the phone with idiots at work.




I am 40, but I don't feel like a grown up most of the time.  Sadly, I look much older than 40 which gets depressing occasionally, but I am dealing with that.  Not well.




I read too much.  Seriously, that's a thing.




I haven't had sex in so long that I am re-virginized.  That is also a thing.  In my head, anyway.




My fiendish little sprite of a daughter listed her 5 favorite people in the car on the way to school this morning, and I didn't rate.




I am in a constant neverending battle against grey hair and abdominal fat.  I have been losing for 9 years straight.




I have never made New Year's Resolutions in my life, but I did this year and I am doing ok.  Just ok.




I have very oily skin.  I recently started wearing a ton of makeup (don't ask), but by 3:00, it has all slid off my face and I am back to looking like an effeminate dude.




I can't stop myself from reading the comments at the end of news articles that I read online, and I always want to write scathing responses to the idiots that make particularly ignorant comments.  But I never do.  Because this:

Don't feed the trolls!

Netflix fills me with dread.  There are too many choices!  I can spend hours scrolling through all the selections, mentally putting several on hold, and then forget what I had put on hold when I am done with all the scrolling.  So I just watch FRIENDS.


Once upon a time, I decided I was going to try internet dating.  But I got so turned off by the thought of choosing a screen name, I decided to continue being a spinster.


I bought Powerball tickets this week and had my island picked out and everything.  Obviously, I did not win, but I was actually surprised that I didn't.  Really.  I mean, I played.....I showed up, shouldn't that count for something?  Chuh.  What a racket.


I don't like scary movies, but Stephen King is my super-duper favorite author in the wholewideworld!

<3

You will probably see too many pictures of Ryan Gosling in the next 30 days.  I apologize in advance.


So.....yeeeaaaahhhh....enough about me.   I promise tomorrow's post will be a lot more interesting.


I mean, it HAS to be, dunnit??

You're welcome.