Keeping Score

So, yeeeaaahhhhhhh...

Last night I blogged about not having a boyfriend, and about how I may be seeking one in the near future.

Except I won't. 
Really, I won't try to get one.
Why?

I changed my mind!!  Every woman's prerogative, yanno!

Mostly, because I have been educated, simply by being a witness, but also by being a victim, of how "relationships" are about keeping score.

I grant you the magical love matches that MANY of my friends (KFM, TKS, NPJ) seem to pull off with no visible bloody skirmishes don't represent the drama I am referring to.  Those happen, but it is always within marriages that are lovely, magical, fairy-lands, where problems are opportunities for growth and deeper understanding.  Not signs of basic incompatibility.

"Relationships", in your 30s and 40s, outside of matrimonial bonds/chokeholds(joke!), seem to be about keeping score.  What did I do?  What did you do?  Did you show me you love me as much as I show you I love you?  Have you proved your love?

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR ME, LATELY, EDDIE??



I am a rabid football fan--NFL, not HS, or college--so I get the beauty of comparison, contrast, and points...

Every Sunday, from August through January, I am the biggest score keeper EVER.

However, that doesn't seem applicable in the 'game' of 'love'.

Or, maybe it just doesn't seem right.

Should we be keeping score?

Or should we be grateful for what is given to us by partners as flawed as we are?


If you love someone, shouldn't you appreciate the times they step WAY outside their comfort zone to accommodate you?

If you love someone, shouldn't you see the progress and not ask for perfection?

If you love someone, shouldn't you be glad they are working on it and not expect them to do a complete 180 in 0-60??


I am, obviously asking these questions rhetorically, as I have only ever loved 2.5 people, and been completely unable to sustain any long-term relationships....

Maybe I am an idiot-victim of-Cosmo-Carrie-Bradshaw-sappy-chick-thought, but I really don't understand the whole "You-do-what-I-want-then-I-will-love-you" school of thought---shouldn't we want more than tit-for-tat in relationships??


Shouldn't we be kinda tit-for-that-awesome-back-massage?

Shouldn't we want the Golden Ticket, the Brass Ring, The Mother Effing Golden Snitch all rolled into one??

And, when we are lucky enough to get it, shouldn't we be just a tiny bit grateful??

Instead of asking someone to be our everything, shouldn't we ask them to be our something special and be glad when they do that??

Again, what the fuck do I know??  I am a tragic fucking spinster, pining over someone who probably doesn't know I still exist.

I will tell you this, though, I still think of him as the ultimate score, and I never once paid attention to who did what better in our relationship.

I never kept score.

I never will keep score.

Because if you are constantly keeping tabs on who is doing "love" better, you have already lost...


Score 0-0.....and that only place that 0-0  means love is on a tennis court...never anywhere else.

Never.



PS -

Couldn't resist!