What The Hell? This Was Not on The Agenda.....

Today was one of THOSE days…like, clearly, Monday decided to double down and kick my ass for laying on the couch watching the entire X-Men saga on OnDemand on the real Monday, and yesterday’s chaos was just a warm-up for the shit-show that was today. 

And, boy, was it. 

Shit, I mean.

Cancer has royally fucked with my world in the last 15 months, in the worst, most invasive way without involving my children or myself, but fucked nonetheless. Without any lube or foreplay, either. 

Then I find out it has brutalized the life of one of my favorite people on the planet….because she has to hold someone she loves, and listen to him apologize for getting a disease that may cause him to leave her.  He is apologizing for hurting her while something is eating his guts and the doctors say it may kill him in the next few months.

 

Then, some kids I love are begging and pleading to be kept away from their mom and in the place where they have come to feel safe.  Mom has mental issues, substance abuse issues, child-beating issues, and the kiddos are begging to stay away.  ‘Don’t give us back’, they beg, crying.  ‘We will get jobs to help pay our way, we won’t ask for anything, just please don’t make us go back.’  Mother. Fuck.

 

FUUUUUUUCK!  This world is a major fuck-hole sometimes, guys.  I can usually fight off the darkness by grabbing the neck of a bottle or a bar of chocolate or some guy’s ass…not today.  This is the world I live in, and there is no crying ‘off’.  So what now?

I guess I do what we all do when the Sturm und Drang of the universe threatens to block our windpipe….take a deep breath, grab onto that little lightning bug called Hope, and just keep truckin……

But, MY GOD, sometimes I wish I could just sink under the surface, let the air out, and suck in some cool, green, Yuba-water and sink……(Google ‘Yuba River’ guys, and you will see why I want to go there and get some peace).  Just to have a few minutes of quiet.

I won’t, though.  Too tough, too angry, too stupid to give up.  Sometimes my bovine plodding through problems annoys me. 

Fight back!!  Give ‘em Hell!! 

How I long to act like the other shitheads in my family and just lay waste to everyone that annoys me and pisses me off.  To be like Sherman and use my words and deeds to leave a swath of scorched earth in my wake…..

Not me, though.

 Instead, I will put on a happy face (mask) and keep on dancing to a tune called ‘live and learn’. 

Hopefully I am living and learning…..

Sorry, guys, I had a pithy, witty, jolly post in mind this morning (or trite, shallow, and derivative—whatevs!), but REAL LIFE stepped in and derailed that plan…..

Hopefully I am back on track tomorrow.

I hope.