Thank heavens for thick shirts; I instantly went to high beams, as we locked eyes and had a "moment." (Bear with me, ya'll that is as JackieCollins as this post is going to get. Pinky Swear.) Anyway, it got me thinking about penises for quite a while today.
Now, I am a big fan of the old 'meat and two veg'; part of a balanced diet and all that. Honestly, though, I just can't imagine owning one...They are just so---out there. Well, most of them, anyway.
Seriously, that poor package is just sitting out there with no real protection from the hard, cruel world. Remember seeing your playmates get tagged on the playground -- whether it was an errant ball, a well-placed knee, or just an accidental swing of the arms while running? BAM! Instant drop to the ground -- all contortions and crying and stuff like that.
Not to mention erections. We've all heard about some poor teenager being called up to do a math problem on the board while sporting a full-on circus tent.
How bizarre that must be to have an appendage that just triples in size in a matter of moments and tries to poke its head over the waistband of your pants, like a nosy neighbor peering into the backyard. And sometimes for no reason at all, which is just mean, but also a bit funny.
Don't ask, you guys, it's just what popped into my head today, and I am going with it because I mis-read the date on my daughter's homework assignment and her project is due tomorrow, not Friday.
(Mother of The Year up in this bitch!)
They say size doesn't matter, and while that is mostly true, it is not a fact. As some of you know from previous posts, I have spent 7 years in a sexual relationship with someone that we all refer to as TC, which is a little euphemism I cooked up because talking about Thunder Cock at Starbucks is frowned upon by nursing moms and hipsters with tiny penises alike.
And guys are so weird about their wee-wees….Overcompensating, being (rightfully) cocky (harhar), acting as if they were a yardstick (or a little protractor) for measuring masculinity. As if. Some of the most macho, overbearing dicks I know barely had one, so don’t believe the press release, ya'll.
The weirdest thing about willies is, of course, that having one automatically means you will earn more than any woman doing the exact same job. (Except, obvi, if you are Bruce Jenner or Oprah Winfrey). That’s kind of shitty... It also sucks that a strong-willed man is called a forceful and dynamic leader, while a strong woman is a bossy bitch.
I suppose I could write more about the battle of the sexes, but I would rather plan on finding more things to hand to that guy.
And a thinner shirt.
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