This is another one of those Blog Challenge thingies that I will inevitably lose interest in and quit at some point in the next 12-21 days, but it looks like fun, and one of my aspirations for 2017 is to blog daily (along with eat better, drink less, exercise more, not be so slutty, find one hair color and stick to it, and probably get some therapy or meds since I am a hot mess!) so here goes:
 |
| Actually, more like 12-21 songs in as many days!! |
1. A song from my childhood.
Super easy. I LOVE music; I listen to music all the time, and don't understand how people can only listen to music in the car. Music has always been a huge deal to me, and there are MULTIPLE songs from my childhood that I could wax on about, but the song that had the biggest impact on my childhood was this one.
 |
| Ugh! Even reading those lyrics is stressing me out!! |
I don't remember how old I was when I first heard this song, somewhere between 4-6 years old, but the as I listened to it, I realized that I was going to die.....it fully struck me that the end result of everything I saw and did was going to end with me dead. And everyone I loved dead as well.......
I remember feeling my heart pounding in my chest and seeing black spots in front of my eyes and feeling dizzy and lightheaded. I also remember looking down at my little man-hands and wondering what the point of life even was...
Like, we grow and learn and go to school and get married and have jobs and maybe babies and then....poof. Gone. So why are we even here?
What is the point?
Like, we grow and learn and go to school and get married and have jobs and maybe babies and then....poof. Gone. So why are we even here?
What is the point?
At that point, panic overtook my mind because I realized that my mom was going to die before me....that I would have to live in a world where she was no longer a person.
I honestly don't remember what happened after that...I know I was in the back of a vehicle, so we were going somewhere--maybe we got there and something distracted me. Or maybe my little brain just grayed it out -- it was pretty traumatic.
But, every time I hear the first few guitar chords, signaling the beginning of the most depressing song ever, I change the station, leave the room, start talking loudly, or beg the owner of the house/vehicle/bar/whatever to turn it off or change the station.
I don't think I have ever heard that song in its entirety since the first time I heard it......and I am okay with that.
I have lost many friends and relatives over the years, and written about the 2 that absolutely broke my heart in this blog....I know that death is a part of living and that it's something I am frequently 'ok' with -- clearly, I am not super excited about it or anything, but I can honestly say I am ok with it most of the time. But, lately, I look at my little bird or my baby niece or any of my girls, and I cant bear the thought of leaving OR losing any of them.....and I get mad all over again.
I have my own beliefs about what happens and where we go after we kick the bucket (I will NEVER discuss religion in this blog because I love too many people of different beliefs), but that doesn't help when I think about what my daughters will feel like after I pass, and my brain won't even let me comprehend losing any one of my girls.
I totally digressed there, but if you have been following along, you know I do this......
Ahem.
So, yeah, thanks a lot, KANSAS.....for ruining my childhood innocence, for exposing me to thoughts my (highly advanced but still childish) brain should not have had to deal with so early, and for upsetting me AGAIN this week and making me cry AGAIN today. (I have been a crying fool since August...like literally every single day something sets off the tear factory...ugh!) Wankers.
And, what kind of a name is "Kansas" for a band anyway????
Losers.
 |
| I love the smiley face at the end....SMILE, we're all gonna DIE!!!! |
No comments:
Post a Comment