10 Unexpected Things About Me - Day 23 - 30 Day Blog Challenge

10 Things About You People Don't Really Expect

 

 

 

Ugh!!!  This blog challenge is murdering my brain!!

 

Look, I have pretty much already over-shared here, and I honestly don't know, or care much, really, what the average person thinks about me.  Therefore, I am not qualified to list things that most people wouldn't expect of me.  Also, I am sure this is going to bore the pants off some of you. 




If that happens, send me pictures, ok?

 

 

This could get super boring, but I will try to spice it up for you guys......Remember waaaay back when....I told you guys I wasn't going to talk about masturbating?  I might have to change that....But before you get all freaked out about it, I can promise it won't be graphic.

 

 

If any of you are disappointed by that, I bet I can get you to stay anyway....because I am going to talk about porn and boobs as well.

 

 

So, without further ado (because, frankly, I probably could not cram any more 'ado' into this intro), here are 10 things about me that people don't really expect about me.

 

 

1.  I am actually a bit shy.....or reserved.  Or introverted.  Or whatever word means that one feels awkward and tries to fade into the background when one is first introduced to a person, group, or setting.  I have had people tell me they thought I was a snob when they first met me, simply because I was so quiet, they assumed I was snubbing them.  I am shy until I get comfortable, and then--as most of you are WELL aware--you simply can NOT shut me up.  So, no one thinks I am shy...and I always get, "You? Shy?? Get outta here!".  Then I punch them in the mouth, blush, and go back in my corner.

But not really little.

2.  Public speaking is my number one least-feared thing, and if I could make my living speaking to rooms full of attentive listeners, I would do it in a second.  Sadly, I am too funny-looking and rude to be a motivational speaker or guest lecturer--all that bad language coming from a little meatball!!--so I just settle for the moments I can finagle my way into getting up in front of a captive audience and start rambling!  I love it!!

This is my secret husband Chester Bennington, but I wish it was me!

3.  Reading the 2 previous posts makes me look bipolar....And I am okay with that...A*hole.  Actually, #3 is that --for someone with lots of strong opinions, that I love to share-- I can NEVER make up my mind.  I always order last when at restaurants, because I can't make up my mind unless I am under pressure.  Dithering, prevaricating, and being wishy-washy (and sometimes flaky--urgh!) are all part of the magic and mayhem that is me.




Happens all the time!

4.  I am a huge sap...but it's a giant secret.  I have had friends, family members, and boyfriends---especially boyfriends---tell me I am cold, unfeeling, unemotional, dead inside, an Ice Princess, etc, etc, ad nauseum....yawn....I know I can be tough, and I definitely do not like getting super close to people emotionally, but it is because I am a giant, smushy, emotional mushball and I am afraid of people finding out.....It is not something I am proud of, but I will continue to pretend to be tougher than all of you forever.  So there.

However.....I DEFY ANY OF YOU TO WATCH THIS AND NOT GET THE TINIEST BIT MISTY-EYED!!!


 



This KILLS me!!



Also, this:

 

 

I heart trees!!

 

 



And if you laugh at me or tease me about this, I will totally kick your ass with Kung Foo.

 

 

 

 

 

5.  I don't drink hard alcohol.....unless I am drunk.  As someone that talks about drinking and being drunk as much as I do, one would expect that I hit the sauce often and hard--but that is not the case.  Liquor makes me sick.  So I stick to beer and wine.  In massive amounts.  For breakfast.  You know, because alcoholism.

 

 

Little bit.....

 

 

 

6.  This is the most annoying blog post I have ever written.  More annoying than writing about dating.  More annoying than writing about NOT dating.   Even more annoying than writing something that really meant something to me, and having it be the blog no one read because I wrote it and hid it  because I did not want certain people to notice that I wrote it.... I don't need the backlash and drama that would result.

 

 

 

7.  I am sooooooooooooo damn glad I am almost done.  Does that surprise you, since I usually love talking about myself? 

 

 

 

 

 

8.  About 6 years ago, I had to make a pact with the little sister I raised that I would not date anyone more than 5 years younger than me, because it freaked her out that I might possibly end up dating or shopping with one of her friends from high school or something.  And since then, my dating life has been in a total slump......Sooooo, which way to CougarTown, guys????

 

 

Ann?  You coming???

 

 

 

 

9. I am a huge geek.  Star Wars, string theory, quantum foam....I write code and read old  dictionaries for fun, read as much of everything else as I can, and can change the subject from purses and kids to Game of Thrones, Tudor history, WW II or Vietnam in less time it takes the Millenium Falcon to make the Kessel Run. (That is less than 12 standard timeparts -- NOT parsecs, by the way!)

 

 

Woooo-hooooo!!!!

 

 

10.  I like to make stuff up.  So, earlier, when I said I was going to talk about masturbation and porn....well, that was made up.  Sorry 'bout that, but COME ON!!!   Surely you know me better than that by now?  If you want  some masturbating and porn....well, you are on the internet, fool, go get some!!

 

 

THIS is a Porn Star.  With big boobs.  And she looks like she is about to masturbate.  Boom, bitches!! Done.
 

 

 

 

I'm off to bed!!

 

 

 

With THIS GUY!!!

 

 

  

 



Okay, with this guy.  Whatever.

 

 

 

'Night!!



30Day Challenge - Day 10--Drugs/Alcohol

My Views on Drugs and Alcohol

Yesssss!

Thank you, Ultimate 30 Day Blog Challenge!!  Easy Peasy.

My views on drugs and alcohol are as follows:

There is a time and place for that shit, and it’s called college.  Done.

Somewhere, there are some  very PROUD parents....

Actually, this is the perfect opportunity for me to bust out that soapbox and lecture you damn hooligans about your wayward, er...ways.

But that would be lame…and boring.  And a wee, tiny bit hypocritical.

You see, I am very fond of alcohol, as well as some drugs.  Before you hurry off to your phone to ring up CPS, I will let  you know that I don’t actually use drugs.  Anymore.

Let me give you some background here, before you get all up in arms and start being judgy and weird...I grew up in an area where everyone's parents did drugs.  At least everyone I knew.  Everyone's parents grew, smoked, and sold weed, and there were usually other assorted drugs floating around.  It wasn't some secret, clandestine, wait-til-the-kids-are-away kind of thing; it was right in our faces all the time.  Not that I grew up in a drug-house or anything, it's just that there were all kinds of people on The Ridge, doing all kinds of drugs, and not really hiding it from anyone.  And I don't mean crazy-ass stuff like crack or heroin; more like weed, mushrooms, weed, acid, weed, and more weed.  It was everywhere, and not really considered any big deal.

So, yeah, I smoked some pot in like, the 7th, 8th, and/or 9th grade -- or maybe 3rd grade?  I honestly don't remember, 'cuz that devil-weed, like, totally messes with your short-term memory, yo.  But, it totally didn't work for me.  Cotton-mouth, inability to speak, light-headedness, and the munchies--followed by MAD paranoia--not my favorite way to spend an afternoon.  Mary and Mary Jane are not friends--never really have been.

As you all know, Marijuana is a total gateway drug, and the gate it opened for me and a handful of my friends was LSD;  I took acid 3 times.  The first time was totally groovy and rad and I found out all kinds of really cool things about how the universe started and formulated all these theories about a collective unconscious and how our souls are all bound together and a bunch of totally cool stuff that I forgot all about as soon as the drugs left my system....

2 more trips down the information stupor-highway, and I was OUT.  Anything that affects me to the point where I can see, hear, feel, and smell the triceratops that was walking by my head is a wee bit too much for me!!

I was pretty good for a decade or so, until my friend Judit introduced me to Ecstasy.  Judit was a model from New York and had lived a decadent, dissolute lifestyle in the Big Apple, and really liked to party.  I can't tell you how many times we did it, but X was what I would classify as 'super-duper fun', as opposed to 'just kinda fun'.  
We would get off work at 4am, head to an after-hours club, pop some X, and dance for, like hours.  It heightens all of your senses, so you are very touchy-feely, and it feels like you can touch every fiber and thread of every piece of clothing you have on.  All of your nerves endings feel hyper-sensitive, and I spent a lot of time stroking people on their arms and heads because it felt so nifty; they were messed up too, so they liked it--or at least never asked me what the hell I was doing. 

Other side effect is rampant sweating--so all these people are soaking wet and smelly, FYI!

I probably could have continued taking X a couple nights a week until my brain leaked out of my ears, but something really bad happened.

Laxatives.

Now, I am no 'whatever-the-Breaking-Bad-dude's-name-is-that-used-to-be-the-jackass-dad-on-that-show-with-the-stupid-kid-that-was-buying-Ferrari's-when-he-was-12', so I did not know that when 'they' make X, they 'cut' it with stuff.  Sometimes that stuff is, like, heroin, caffeine, drain cleaner, horse tranquilizers, and other weird stuff.  

Sometimes that stuff....is laxatives.

Now, without going into too much detail and making me puke on the keyboard, I am just going to tell you that I got some X that was cut with laxatives.  So, there I was -IN A PUBLIC RESTROOM- with all of my senses heightened, and....

Or X, whatever....

Anyway, that was the end of my Xperience with that stuff....

I have taken mushrooms a couple of times, and that was pretty fun, but it isn't 1967, and I would rather spend my money on sushi and shoes than psilocybin.  

I have come to the conclusion, through experimentation and experience (i.e. science!), that doing drugs is kind of lame.  If you are interested in altering your consciousness, try meditating, bungee jumping, or having children.  All three things will induce altered reality states that don't result in you possibly accidentally ingesting heroin or sitting on a toilet in a public restroom for 3.5 hours with a literal tsunami of shit coming out of you.  

Bonus: if you have kids, you will be too poor to afford drugs!!

Also, drugs, even the 'soft ones' do icky things to your body--yellow teeth, premature wrinkles, damaged lungs, compromised internal organ function, the list goes on and on.  
See, children can do ALL OF THAT shit to you as well, AND there is no risk of going to jail, accidentally ingesting drain cleaner, dealing wih a tsunami of shit on a public toilet for 3.5 hours, OR some crazy dude with misspelled tattoos, a lazy eye, and a snaggle tooth double-crossing you on a drug deal and shooting you in an alley. 
 Win-win, there, folks.....Win. Fucking. Win.

Seriously. This dude knows what he is talking about!

 Which leads me to the second topic of this blog...

Alcohol..................ah, alcohol.

Looks good, right?  You know you want this.

So, those of you that know me well know how much I love to drink.  Drinking is super fun, and I try to make sure I do it at least once a day.  Strictly for health reasons, of course.

KIDDING!!!  I am only joking, ya'll.

But, seriously, I do like alcohol.  Kind of a lot.  Much like Ryan Gosling, I find alcohol to be versatile, intoxicating, and very good-looking.

Something for everyone!

Alcohol can be so many different things, depending on your needs!
Long week at work?  Run a bubble bath, turn on some music, grab a book and a glass of wine--you're all set for an evening of relaxation.  Football with the guys?  Head down to your local watering hole for a couple of pints and some greasy bar food!  Girls night out?  Complicated martinis and a bad-ass DJ, and you are set for a night of booty-shakin' fun!  Unplanned pregnancy on your to-do list this year?  Jameson on the rocks, ladies!!  Wait...maybe that's just me... 

So, yeah, I am a little fond of booze, ya'll, but everything in moderation.  Seriously, alcohol is far more aging than children, so you best go easy on it..... unless you want to look like these people:

        Don't be these guys.....DO NOT!