Something You Always Think "What If" About
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| Whee! |
THIS ONE.
After about 5 minutes of thinking---yes, I do that!---I realized I did not hate this topic at all.
At first I was all, 'I must think deep thoughts and delve deep into my life to discuss this one'.
*Yawn*
You already all know about the various disasters, unrequited likes, and actual tragedies that I wish had turned out differently, so no need to write about that again!
Then I was like, 'Oh, I can tell everyone about how I divide my time in waiting rooms, various lines (DMV, grocery store, etc.), and in traffic going full-on Walter Mitty and imagining myself foiling bank robberies and doing Kung Foo on random line-cutters and people who talk too loud on their phones in these places.'
But I don't really want to write about those things, mainly because they are too silly and ridiculous to share....even with you guys!
Also, if anyone got smart with me about me being able to kick some serious bank-robber ass, well....I would have to cut you.
On that note......
What I am going to talk about are the "What Ifs" that are leading me to ever more interesting literary places.
You see, I am no Elizabeth Gilbert or Wally Lamb or even a Stephen King. When I write, it is usually about very ordinary people, trying to do very ordinary things, and being happened upon by some very out-of-the ordinary people and events. And by 'out-of-the-ordinary', I don't mean psychotic clowns. Or magical writing assignments that pay one to lounge around in Rome, India, and Ubud, Bali for months at a time.....because, come on now....how realistic is that??
Oh.
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| Mother. Fuck. |
Right.
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| Beautiful. Stunning. Hilarious. Just like Liz Gilbert. READ THIS BOOK! |
Anyway, I have been writing up a storm lately, which makes me really happy and is also the reason this 30-day challenge that I started in January is going to be done sometime around Yom Kippur.
I think I already shared the inspiration behind the short spooky story I wrote last month, one I also sketched out a sort-of screenplay outline for as well.....I know, I know!
(But do you have ANY IDEA how inexpensive horror flicks are to make and how much they rake in at the box office??? If you don't, I would suggest you think about the reason so many poor-quality slasher pics get green-lighted every year.)
Also, they are super easy to write. All you need are a fornicating couple (who get chopped to bits shortly after getting it on), an obligatory non-white person (first one to die every time), and a plucky heroine (who flees from the bad guy/krazy klown/ghost in stilettos but still manages to get away).
See? Easy-peasy!
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These are, like, so totally the perfect shoe to take camping at The Inn at Haunted Lake this weekend....
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Anyway, tangent aside, I am working on a book right now. Quite a long one, actually, although I didn't know it when I got the idea.
Basically, I was walking by a McDonalds with an outdoor play structure at dusk, heard a baby cry, and suddenly this girl popped in my head. 15, scared, with a baby/toddler (sibling, not her own) sleeping in the play structure at night and eating thrown-away food from the trash can at night.
That was it.
I have been wrapped up with her, her brother, and the discarded woman that rescues them--or maybe the other way around?- for weeks.
But, it started with me asking myself, "What if someone lived in one of these things?"
And there we went.
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| YES!!!! |
That is how the process works for me.
For example:
There is this not-so-great swimming hole on the incomparable Yuba River that I have been going to since childhood. I went back there after 20 years, and there is some funky blackish algae/moss/goo growing along the bottom of the river.
It is spongy and weird and getting bigger every year, and I swim over it as fast as I can without touching it (in case it decides to grab me).
One day I just thought, "What if it was an alien? And its vessel crashed in the river and it grew there and it eats teenagers that sneak out at night to hang out with boys at the river in the summer?"
(Never did that. Not once.)
The story just wrote itself....
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So pretty...so terrifying.
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That's slightly how I write these blogs as well.
I get a topic---sometimes a topic that I loathe and pace around shouting about until I buckle down and start banging away at the keyboard.
Other times, I can hardly contain myself, fingers flying over the keyboard, cracking myself up (hey someone's gotta laugh at my material!). But they all kind of start with the same question:
What If?
What if I am as honest as I can be with this blog?
What if I use this as an experiment to push myself beyond my boundaries of self-expression?
What if some super hot literary agent reads this and decides that geeky little meatballs are his type and decides he wants to offer me a book deal (and his penis, er..... hand in marriage!!) and his super hot twin brother is a Hollywood agent and he options several of my blog posts. So then I have to write a movie about The Hero and The Whore, and Ryan Gosling is in it and there is a totally rad make out scene and.....wait, what was I saying?
Anyway. I like 'what if'.
It has been leading me to some really interesting things this year.
Like this blog, and my book, and...who knows?
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| Hey, I am ALLOWED to dream....go back to the title, Debbie Downer! |
