7 - Bullet Your Day

• Wake up.
• Check phone.
• Hell, naw!  It's 1:30 (or 2:45, or 3:15 or 4:12)
• Try to go back to sleep for 5 minutes.
• Lay there and think about alllllll the things I could be doing instead of laying there thinking.
• Go on Facebook for approx. 20 minutes.
• Do the math to see how much sleep I could get if I fell asleep RIGHT NOW.
• Go on Msn.com
• Put phone down and try to sleep. (If I wake up before 3, chances are I will fall asleep)
• Pick up phone and Google "where are they now" about casts of various 80s movies: Heathers, Teen Witch, Just One of the Guys, etc.
• Do the math to see how much sleep I could get if I fell asleep RIGHT NOW.
• Google things like "surgery to reduce nostril size", 'where is it legal to own a pet fox', 'why does my cat chew on my scalp', etc.
• Drink a glass of water
• Contemplate getting up and going to the gym. (LOL)
• Use timeanddate.com to see how many seconds it's been since I had sex.
• Do the math to see how much sleep I could get if I fell asleep RIGHT NOW.
• Get super tired and doze off at 5:55 am
• Hit the snooze button at 6:00 am
• Spend 2 minutes thinking of all of the reasons I should get up right now.
• Doze off or lay there trying to decide what is wrong with me - I NEED TO GET UP!!
• Hit snooze at 6:10.
• At 6:11, pick up phone and FB until 6:30.
• Drink a glass of water and make tea.
• Go to Starbucks for a coffee.
• At 6:45, shake Lexi's arm and shout in her face until her eyelids peel open.
• Watch as she gets furious, refuses to get up because "I'm stretching!!" and then dozes off.
• At 6:50 shake Lexi's arm and shout in her face until her eyelids peel open.
• Feed Lexi breakfast.
• Send her off to change and get ready.
• Verify backpack she packed last night does, in fact have her iPad, her completed homework, her Club card, and her pencil case.
• Pack her lunch and put in backpack.
• Bang on bathroom door and ask if she is ready.
• Listen as she kicks the door and shouts, "I am CHANGING!".
• Stand back as she yanks the door open so I can re-do her hair.
• Hustle her downstairs to double check her backpack.
• Shower, dress, put hair up in 10 minutes flat.
• Try to get Lexi out the door while she scrambles to find her phone and headphones.
• Shove Lexi out the door, lock bottom lock and head to car.
• Discover I don't have my car keys.
• Storm back to get them. Have locked myself out with no keys.
• Use library card, Driver's License, or similar to break into house.
• Grab house keys.  Car keys not on silver dish in entry specifically there to hold keys.
• Keys not in yesterday's coat. Or in yesterday's handbag.
• Keys not on any flat surface in house.
• Find keys sticking out from under pantry door where demon cats have playfully skidded them.
• Lock house, get in car.
• Drive 2 miles.
• 'Mom!  I don't have my iPad!!!', Yes you do, I put it there myself. 'I know, but when I was checking if all my stuff was in there, I moved things around so I could bring my new Beanie-Boos to school and I took it out!!'
• Turns car around.
• Drives 2 miles home.
• Locates iPad, gets back in car.
• Shouts at dumb kid the entire 20 minute drive to her school about responsibility and having systems in place (LOL).
• Get to school and realize she had headphones on the whole time and heard nothing.
• Drive 20 minutes to work. 

Tomorrow's post!!

I literally cannot deal with this anymore!!


I will finish it tomorrow, but this COUNTS, dammit!!