Three years.
36 months.
1095 days.
That’s a long time, isn’t it? A lot can happen in 3 years.
A newborn goes from a helpless little creature to a walking (trash)talking toddler
in 3 years.
A shrub goes from a seedling to a thriving, healthy plant.
A new car is no longer new after 3 years.
So why does it feel like 3 years ago was yesterday?
I work in the same office I worked in 3 years ago. I don’t sit at the same desk, I am now the
HBIC, but I still remember exactly how I felt, phone in hand, nagging and
lecturing Jim to go back to the hospital.
He had checked himself out, AMA, and was blabbering on in
his 'I-know-more-than-anyone’ way he had.
“No, you don’t understand,“ he rumbled into the phone. He then proceeded to tell me all the reasons
he had for not needing to remain in the hospital, one of which included ‘needing’
to get out on the Harley….
I was super mad and let him know he was going to get it BIG
TIME when I got home. I also called him
an a*hole. In the nicest possible way,
though.
When I got home, he conveniently wasn’t there, so I just
started making dinner for me and Lexi.
And then I got the call….
The next few hours were a blur that I was unable to recall
for a couple of days.
Went to the wrong hospital.
Don’t even remember the drive to the correct one, I just know it happened in about half the amount of time that drive would normally take.
Waiting, phone calls, waiting, waiting.
Nothing.
Over.
Never again.
Getting Lexi the Hell out of there because I did not want
her finding out in that place in front of all of the people that were gathered
there, hoping and then broken.
More blur.
Days, weeks, blur.
Moving out of our house.
Holding a service and spending time with his amazing sister and
niece.
Coping. Coping. Not
coping. Trying to hold it together for
Lexi.
Finally turning a corner after reaching out to a friend from
high school in the middle of the night 9 months later and her just really
breaking it all down for me.
Days, months, and – incredibly – YEARS have passed since we
said goodbye to Lexers' Daddy, my BFF, platonic life partner, and constant
adversary in all things health-food and money-saving.
There is one constant through all of the things that have
happened since Jimbo took his last ride – Love.
Lexi and I have been surrounded by love every minute of
every day, week, and year since August 2, 2016.
Not only by our family, who we could never have got through this
without, but also by Jim’s friends.
All of his friends knew of or had met Daddy’s “Roo”; he
talked about her all the time, and took her to the bar for T-bone steaks in his
office multiple times a week on school breaks when she wanted to stay home with
Daddy.
I knew some of his friends a little, and some just from all
the gossip he would tell me at home. But
it didn’t matter one bit how well I knew or didn’t know any of them. They just showed up and loved us and took us
into their lives and I am so grateful.
Clearly, thanks to Lexi, knowing Jim made my life better. He was a great friend, and truly part of my
family – he watched out for my sister and my niece like they were his own kids,
and one of the last things he did was show up at my sister’s house unannounced
and drop off a pack-n-play for my new niece Harlow. No one had asked him to get it, he just
showed up with a gift because that’s what he did.
Besides his legacy – both literal and physical – in my
family, Jimbo left me with amazing friends.
He left me and Lexi with a crazy diverse tribe of whack-a-doodles
(kidding!) who check in on us, who invite us to do things, who hang out with us
at the Farmers Market, check in daily, weekly, or monthly on Facebook and just really
have become part of our lives.
Three years is a long time.
The friendships that were brand new in the days after Jimbo’s
death feel as vital and vibrant as friendships I have had since childhood, for
which I am super grateful.
But three years is also no time at all when I think about
what it felt like to look at my niece and shake my head no to her unasked
question while I was loading Lexi into her car.
It feels like it happened yesterday.
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| Lexi and Daddy headed out for a ride on Daddy's 'Girlfriend'. He loved taking her out on that thing! <3 |
